I don't understand

I'm having a hard time lately figuring out exactly what a dollar, or money in general for that matter, is worth. Keep in mind I'm not working and have no income and an embarrassing number of dollars to my name. My boyfriend pays for everything. Everything. So when I read today's headlines and I cannot comprehend their meaning. We're looking at trillion dollar deficits. How much is a trillion dollars? 100 million times 10? Okay is that a billion? Times 100 again is 100 billion, right? Times 10 again might or might not be a trillion. I don't know. I suck at math and my calculator only goes up to 99,999,999 - which I think is 99 million. And now my head hurts.

Bonuses of over $1 million dollars paid to how many people? AT LEAST 4793. What's THAT About? And another thing I must not understand is what exactly constitutes or earns someone a bonus. My work experience has been this - you work, you get paid, your company profits, and they get paid.

There's also Wall Street's version - you fuck everything up, your company loses money and nearly decapitates the economy, the government pays the company, you get paid what you normally would plus a bonus. WTF is THAT about? I don't know or pretend to understand. If a company loses money, then how can they pay a salary at all? Are they not supposed to be a worthless company that has no money and then goes bankrupt? And then the losers who allowed the company to go bankrupt do not get paid neither a salary nor a bonus? And enter the government who has now written a check to "help" the company. Once they find out the company is using the money for bonuses can't the government just cancel the check? Or take the money back? I just do not understand.

I offer at this very moment, to go to Wall Street, do any type of work and fuck it up for WAY less than salary + $1 million bonus. I'll do it for 1 year for the rock bottom basement price of $50,000 plus expenses. This is a valid offer. If you or anyone you know wishes to take me up on it please contact me ASAP. I'll be CEO, CFO, lawyer, janitor, whatever. I am available for this immediately.

How is it that greed has gotten so out of control? I have so many thoughts on this that I can't type fast enough. It makes me so sad because all I want to do is work, make a living, and hopefully have a little left over for some fun and maybe a nice Brie. I imagine one day owning a home, a car, a comfortable bed. We need to get back to values. I guess that's why I'm broke is that for so long now I've been doing it wrong - ethically.

I just don't understand.