Tired of feeling terrible

I don't really feel that terrible right now. I just had a nice long Skype call with my Mom which made me feel a lot better. Plus it's tiring feeling bad all the time. You get in this downward spiral just because you feel sorry for yourself and before you know it you're actually really depressed. I'm feeling bad because being unemployed is demoralizing. I just want to work already. Make some money, pay some bills, maybe buy something just because I can. It's funny what you consider a necessity when you're out of work. I've now convinced myself that shaving my legs is a luxury. A little bag of 4 razors cost me $5.50 if I get the cheap ones. If I only shave my pits and not my legs they'll last me an entire month, maybe two. If I shave my legs they'll only last 2 weeks. Which makes me feel terrible because I'm so stinkin' broke I can't even afford razors. Being unemployed sucks.

It doesn't help that I'm completely lonely too. Jay's great and all, he's my best friend. But it's been just the 2 of us since June 13th, a solid month now. And with me feeling terrible and all I'm not the most fun person to hang out with. With the time difference my phone never rings, ever. It hardly did when I was on the mainland, but now even scheduled calls with my friends don't happen, my parents forget to call me back, and of course not hearing anything form the HR people makes the silence deafening. Moving is lonely. You get to this great new place like Maui but you don't know anyone. So you and your boyfriend have only each other to deal with all the stress of moving, finding housing, finding a job, all of it. Come to think of it, moving sucks too.

I was reading this thing the other day about blogging, since I know nothing about it really. I guess you are supposed to have a target market or audience and also a purpose for your blog. I hadn't given this much thought because no one but me reads my blog. But, ya never know. The main reason for this blog is so I can get shit off my chest and rant a little bit. But if I had to categorize it, I guess I'd say entertainment. I'm not selling anything, I'm no expert, I just need practice writing. I'll probably try to make it somewhat funny. And I decided today I just might try to write a book, my memoirs. Fat chance it ever happens, but i'm thinking of it more and more. It will be loaded with sex. drinking, and general craziness. It might be funny. We'll see.

I have a lot of topics I want to write about. And really really really I am going to start writing more than 3 times a year.